As a barista at one of the sixteen (there is no such thing as excess!) Downtown Denver Starbucks locations, one is somewhat prepared to serve/deal with a motley crew of patrons. The RTD drivers are more demanding than the businesspeople who prefer Splenda in their lattes, and yes, though we rarely interact with small children at this location, there is thrice the amount of homeless yelling about religion and complimentary coffee.
None of those people however, are responsible for afflicting on me today’s awkwardness. Someone else’s something else is responsible.
My shift manager had been encouraging me to “check the bathrooms for anything weird” in my last 20 minutes of work; which I automatically came to assume would be needles, baggies, aluminum foil, or any other super fun paraphernalia of downtown recreation! The women’s restroom had been occupied for some time, so I decided to move onto the men’s.
Jiggling the handle, not a sound could be heard on my side of the door and it easily swung open. Too easily. I was horrified to spot a man both sipping his Iced Grande Coffee whilst dancing and peeing into the urinal. His head bobbed from side to side, causing his grey ponytail to wag against his pale orange shirt collar. He didn’t even notice I’d opened the door; he seemed so amused. Quickly as I could, I shut the blasted thing (which didn’t slam for emphasis as I’d have liked).
I might pose a question: How, how, does a person forget to lock a Downtown Denver public restroom in a busy Starbucks? When there is not just one lock, but both a button in the handle and a dead bolt? And how, most importantly, can one drink his coffee, dance to some silent song, and piss at the same time? I suppose if you’ve got two hands and an able body, why not use them? Good. Grief.
Anyway, I ran behind the espresso machines at the bar (after washing my hands twice, who knows why) to make someone’s Pumpkin Spice Latte. One of our regulars made matters worse as he looked at my flushed face, looked at the bathrooms, smiled and said, “Did you see his thing?”
Yes I saw his “thing”. EGADS.
As Lauryn Hill might say: “Girls you know you better watch out, Some guys, some guys are only about, That thing, that thing, that thing.”
Translation: It is inevitable that once in a while, you may walk in on someone urinating or worse in public. So watch out, dear friends. And always knock. Loudly.
I’d like to thank you, Mr.PeesWhileHeBlowsBubblesInHisCoffeeAndJigs – hopefully seeing your “thing” will be the most awkward aspect of my day.
